Las personas que adoptan estos 7 hábitos verbales en 2021 tienen niveles muy altos de inteligencia emocional

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Si hay un área en la que los lectores se están mejorando, me dijeron que les encantaría trabajar en él en 2021, es la inteligencia emocional.

Aquí hay algunas resoluciones muy simples para 2021 diseñadas solo para eso.

Son realmente simples: solo una serie de breves oraciones memorizadas que mejorarán tus conversaciones y aumentarán las posibilidades de alcanzar tus metas con los demás este año.

1. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 …

¿Alguna vez has visto algo perfecto para decirle a alguien, solo que es demasiado tarde porque ya has dicho algo menos efectivo?

Odio cuando eso sucede. Una forma de hacer esto con menos frecuencia es no apresurarse a decir las cosas antes de lo necesario. Un breve descanso puede ser suficiente. Incluso cuento hasta cinco antes de contestar.

Te recomendaría que te lo digas a ti mismo con calma, aunque si lo haces en voz alta a propósito, ciertamente estás enviando un mensaje a la otra persona en tu conversación.

En resumen, el silencio dice mucho, y cuando no estás hablando, lo más probable es que estés pensando o incluso escuchando. Tampoco cavan agujeros retóricos por sí mismos.

2. «Gracias, me registraré mañana».

Esto viene de Warren Buffett o al menos está inspirado en él. Una vez dijo que el mejor consejo que recibió fue que siempre le dijera a alguien que se fuera al infierno mañana.

Por lo que no tiene que reaccionar de inmediato.

Recuerde, esto tampoco tiene por qué ser un enfrentamiento. Quizás esté considerando cómo responder a un correo electrónico a las 4 p.m. para preocuparse por un pedido. Tal vez sea un socio comercial que le hace saber que no le gustan los materiales de marketing en los que ha estado trabajando durante un día.

Espera un dia Espere medio día. En resumen, espere. Tómese el tiempo para controlar sus emociones para que sean una herramienta para usted, no un desafío que enfrentar.

3. «?,?,?»

Estos tres signos de interrogación están destinados a recordarle que debe hacer tres preguntas.

Para ser honesto, tres es solo un número. Puede hacer dos preguntas, puede hacer 10. El punto es acostumbrarse a hacer preguntas en lugar de simplemente pensar en lo que está pensando.

Las personas emocionalmente inteligentes comprenden que cuanto más puedas enfocar las conversaciones en la otra persona, mejor se sentirán sobre la conversación y más probabilidades tendrás de lograr tus objetivos.

El enlace simple es simplemente para hacer más preguntas. Un poco más difícil, aunque igualmente importante, es escuchar activamente las respuestas.

4. «Di un poco más».

No sé ustedes, pero solo soy humano. Y eso significa que, incluso cuando trato de ser un oyente activo, a veces no lo entiendo.

Puede que no sea lo suficientemente inteligente como para comprender lo que realmente quiere decir la otra persona. O puede que no esté lo suficientemente concentrado para llamar toda mi atención en la conversación, a diferencia de los cientos de otras cosas que están sucediendo actualmente.

Es por eso que «di un poco más» es una gran frase para todo uso. Muestra interés e invita a la otra persona a seguir hablando. Además, llenará los vacíos por ti. Incluso si la otra persona ya ha expresado su punto de vista, la invitan a retomarlo.

5. «Parece que estás diciendo …»

Muchas veces, lo más efectivo que puedes decir en una conversación es exactamente lo que la otra persona te acaba de decir.

No necesariamente tiene que estar de acuerdo con ellos al 100 por ciento. O incluso el 10 por ciento. Pero comenzar con esa oración y luego repetir lo que cree que realmente está escuchando tiene un impacto emocional poderoso.

Significa que estás escuchando. Significa que serán escuchados. Significa que ustedes dos están involucrados en una conversación real en lugar de hablar sin hablar o maldecir a la marea.

6. «Puede que no lo sepas, pero …»

Me encontré con esta técnica hace casi dos décadas, y aunque entonces no sabía que tenía algo que ver con la inteligencia emocional, ahora entiendo por qué es tan poderosa.

En resumen, imagina que quieres felicitar a alguien. Eso es algo bueno para ti: «Hiciste un gran trabajo en esta presentación» o «La gente sabe que siempre confían en ti y pueden contar contigo».

Ahora imagina agregar una oración de seis palabras de antemano: «Puede que no lo sepas, pero …»

Este preámbulo desencadena neuronas que hacen que las personas se pregunten qué piensan los demás de ellas. Y cuando comienzas así, en realidad aumentas el impacto del cumplido.

Me dicen, ¿preferirías felicitar a alguien para que se sienta bien o un cumplido que lo haga sentir realmente bien? ¿Especialmente cuando el precio era de solo seis palabras?

7. «Déjame preguntarte específicamente …»

Recientemente escribí un artículo completo sobre cómo las personas emocionalmente inteligentes intentan evitar conversaciones con frases como «¿Cómo estás?» Para comenzar. o sobre todo: «¿cómo va todo bien?»

Todos hacemos esto a veces. Pero, ¿cómo estás? ”Suele ser una pregunta descartable que nadie espera que se responda con sinceridad. Agregar la respuesta preferida,“ ¿bien? ”, Envía la señal incorrecta si realmente quieres tener una conversación.

Permítanme ofrecer estas cinco palabras, casi como si fueran un andamiaje hasta que se convierta en algo natural iniciar conversaciones con otras preguntas específicas.

«Déjame preguntarte específicamente … ¿cómo estuvo tu fin de semana fuera?»

O bien: «¿Cómo les va a sus hijos con la escuela virtual?»

O: «¿Qué fue lo más interesante de este último proyecto para ti?»

Como todas estas oraciones, las palabras exactas no importan. Lo realmente importante es formarte para que los demás se sientan escuchados, valorados e importantes en tus conversaciones.

No es un mal comienzo para 2021, ni para ningún año.

Las opiniones expresadas por los columnistas de Inc.com aquí son las suyas, no las de Inc.com.

1. "1, 2, 3, 4, 5..."

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Did you ever realize the perfect thing to say to somebody -- only it's too late, because you already said something less effective?

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I hate when that happens. One way to have it happen less often is not to rush into saying things before you have to. A short pause can be sufficient. Even just counting to five before replying. 

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I'd recommend saying this quietly, to yourself -- although if you do it out loud intentionally, you'll certainly send a message to the other person in your conversation.

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In short, silence speaks volumes, and when you're not talking, you're most likely thinking, or even listening. You're also not digging rhetorical holes for yourself. 

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2. "Thanks, I'll check in tomorrow."

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This one comes from Warren Buffett, or at least is inspired by him. He once explained that the best advice he ever got was that you can always tell somebody to go to hell tomorrow.

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You don't have to react right away, in other words.

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Remember, this doesn't have to be confrontational, either. Maybe you're thinking about how to respond to a emails you at 4 p.m. to express second thoughts about an order. Maybe it's a business partner who lets you know she doesn't like the marketing materials you spent a day working on. 

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Wait a day. Wait half a day. In short, wait. Take the the time to get control of your emotions, so that they can be a tool for you to use, not a challenge to overcome.

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3. "?, ?, ?"

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These three question marks are meant to remind you to ask three questions.

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To be honest, three is just a number. You can ask two questions, you can ask 10. The point is to get yourself into the habit of asking questions, as opposed to simply pontificating on whatever's on your mind.

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Emotionally intelligent people understand that the more you can keep conversations focused on the other person, the better they'll feel about the discussion, and the more likely it is that you'll achieve your goals.

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The easy shortcut is simply to ask more questions. The slightly more difficult one, although equally important, is to listen actively to the answers.

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4. "Say a little more."

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I don't know about you, but I'm only human. And that means even when I try to be an active listener, I sometimes don't get it.

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I might simply not be smart enough to understand what the other person really means. Or, I might not be focused enough to keep all of my attention on the conversation, as opposed to the hundreds of other things going on at the moment.

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That's why "say a little more" is such a great, all-purpose phrase. It indicates interest, and it invites the other person to continue talking. Moreover, it fills in the gaps for you. Even if the other person has already made his or her point, it invites them to make it again.

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5. "It sounds like you're saying..."

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Often, the most effective thing you can say in any conversation is exactly what the other person just said to you.

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You don't necessarily need to agree with them, 100 percent. Or even 10 percent for that matter. But starting with this phrase, and then repeating back to them what you truly think you've heard them say, has powerful emotional effects.

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It means you're listening. It means they're being heard. It means you're both involved in a true conversation, rather than talking past each other or cursing at the tides. 

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6. "You might not know this but..."

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I came across this technique almost two decades ago, and while I didn't know that it had anything to do with emotional intelligence at the time, I now understand why it's so powerful.

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In short, imagine that you want to give someone a compliment. That's a nice thing for you to do: "You did a great job on that presentation," or "People know they can always trust you and count on you."

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Now, imagine that you add a six-word phrase beforehand: "You might not know this but..."

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That preamble fires off neurons that leave people predisposed to wonder what other people think of them. And when you start it out that way, you actually increase the effect of the compliment.

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You tell me: would you rather pay someone a compliment that makes them feel good, or one that makes them feel really good? Especially if the price was just six words?

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7. "Let me ask you specifically..."

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I wrote an entire article not long ago about how emotionally intelligent people try not to start conversations with phrases like, "how are you?" or especially: "how's everything, good?"

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We all do this sometimes. But, "how are you?" is usually a throwaway question that nobody expects will be answered truthfully. And adding the preferred answer -- "good?" -- just sends the wrong signal, if you really want to have a conversation.

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So, let me offer these five words - almost as if they're scaffolding, until it becomes second-nature to begin conversations with other-centered, specific inquiries.

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"Let me ask you specifically ... how was your weekend away?"

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Or else: "How have your kids been doing with virtual school?"

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Or: "What was the most interesting thing about that last project for you?"

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Like all these phrases, the exact words don't matter. What really does matter is training yourself to make the other people in your conversations feel listened to, valued, and important.

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Not a bad way to start 2021 -- or any year at all, for that matter.

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