Las personas que confunden estas 3 palabras similares tienen una inteligencia emocional muy baja

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Este es un artículo sobre cómo obtener lo que desea en los negocios y en la vida.

Se trata de tres palabras similares y de cómo las personas emocionalmente inteligentes reconocen diferencias sutiles entre ellas, lo que les ayuda a convertirse en mejores abogados, utilizando lo que podríamos llamar la «jerarquía de influencia».

Las tres palabras son: lucha, convencer y Convincente. Así es como se diferencian y por qué es importante.

Un poco de historia

Comenzamos con una breve discusión de las raíces y definiciones de cada palabra. Pero recuerde, nuestro objetivo es utilizar las distinciones como una herramienta para evitar quedar atrapados en un debate sobre etimología.

Básicamente, desea tener en cuenta las diferencias para diseñar su comunicación basada en la promoción que conduzca al resultado verdadero y deseado, en lugar de distraerse.

Entonces las definiciones y raíces. Empezamos con lucha. los La definición de Merriam-Webster incluye «discutir o no estar de acuerdo» y «probar o intentar probar dando razones». Vuelve a la palabra latina discutir: «parloteo» o incluso «parloteo», que a su vez significa «hablar largo y tendido».

Siguiente: convencer: «Pasar a una creencia, posición o curso de acción mediante el razonamiento, la solicitud o la explicación». Esta palabra también viene del latín: Persuadir;; Por, que significa «hasta el final», y suadereque significa «aconsejar».

Así que «adivina hasta completar».

Finalmente, convencer. Su definición articulada es ligeramente diferente de «convencer», así que consideremos la raíz latina: convencerque mezcla estafa («con y sincero («conquistar»). Así que «conquista con».

Piense en palabras relacionadas como «convertir» o «convencer». En otras palabras, no para conquistar a la persona con la que estás hablando, sino para ganarte como aliado para ayudarte a conquistar algo más.

Nuevamente, no quiero involucrarme demasiado en los orígenes de las palabras. Tu profesor de inglés o latín de noveno grado podría discutir un poco. Sin embargo, el punto en el que se realizó este ejercicio se aclara rápidamente cuando cambiamos a la perspectiva real.

Lucha

Hablemos de la primera palabra: discutir. Los abogados suelen hacer esto. De hecho, un caso ante un juez o jurado se denomina literalmente «audiencia».

Para algunos abogados, esto significa presentar el mejor caso posible casi independientemente de la recepción.

Es posible que haya escuchado el viejo aforismo legal: «Cuando tenga los hechos, martille los hechos. Cuando tenga la ley, martille la ley. Cuando no tenga ninguno, martille la mesa».

¿Por qué «golpear la mesa»? Para ser justos, se debe a que el cliente le paga al abogado, y para algunos clientes, la necesidad más profunda es escuchar a alguien que los defienda, casi más de lo que a veces esperan para un resultado en particular.

Convencer

Vayamos un paso más allá. Al felicitar a un abogado, puede decirle que está presentando un argumento «convincente».

La creencia es probablemente el objetivo más general y racional en los negocios y en la vida.

Quiere que un jurado vote por usted o quiere que un cliente le compre. Tal vez desee que un vendedor mejore un trato, o quizás quiera engañar a alguien para que programe una cita con usted.

No solo desea la satisfacción de tomar su caso. Quieres que alguien haga algo.

¿Entonces como estás? lucha a convencer? Por un lado, ciertamente es una experiencia más interactiva. Usted expresa su punto, hace una pausa, escucha; Puede cambiar lo que diga a continuación según la reacción de la otra persona.

Esperan estar a su lado, como sugiere la palabra: aconsejarle hasta la finalización.

Y eso suena bastante bien. Pero en nuestra jerarquía de influencia hay un nivel más alto que discutir y convencer.

Convincente

Este nivel superior que comprenden las personas emocionalmente inteligentes es «persuasivo».

Si discutir se trata de tomar su caso, y persuadir es tomar acción, persuadir es lograr que alguien acepte esa decisión con tanta firmeza que la tomará incluso cuando usted se haya ido. están a su lado.

Nadie habla de tener el coraje de tus creencias, ¿verdad?

Es el coraje de tus creencias: tus creencias profundamente arraigadas.

Regresemos a los abogados litigantes mientras discuten, convencen y convencen tanto. Un truco que aprendí en mi tiempo como abogado es llevar a su audiencia al punto en que debe haber un resultado, pero luego tener la disciplina para detenerse.

La teoría es que no les diga explícitamente qué decidir. Colóquelos en una posición en la que necesiten dar el paso final.

La idea es que como no estás en la sala cuando el juez o el jurado toma la decisión, quieres que tengan alguna convicción emocional del puesto que han alcanzado.

En otras palabras, no solo está tratando de ganar una discusión. Estás intentando crear un abogado.

Inteligencia emocional

Llevemos esto al paso final, donde se pregunta seriamente cuál es su objetivo real como abogado.

Quizás no le importe si alguien está de acuerdo con su argumento; No le importaría si ellos forman las mismas creencias que usted o si toman las acciones que usted quiere que tomen, pero por razones completamente diferentes.

Recuerdo un estudio de hace unos años que mostró Las adolescentes cuyas madres las fastidiaban tenían más probabilidades de graduarse de la escuela y conseguir buenos trabajos, y tenían menos probabilidades de quedar embarazadas en la adolescencia.

Un colega escribió en ese momento: «Claro, tener una autoestima saludable y creer que tienes opciones es genial, pero no quedar embarazada solo porque no quieres escucharlo también está bien para nosotros». . «

Rastreemos esto hasta su defensa y todo lo que tenga que ver con la inteligencia emocional. En general, se trata de estar muy en sintonía con su audiencia y comprender cómo sus argumentos llegan a sus oídos.

Quiero decir, podría ser emocionalmente satisfactorio defender su caso de la manera más enérgica posible. Y si ese es realmente tu objetivo, está bien. Sin juicio.

Pero las personas emocionalmente inteligentes tienen la disciplina necesaria para escuchar cuando hablan.

Usan el silencio táctico para tomar su caso.

Piensas en cómo se ve y suena todo desde el punto de vista de la otra persona.

Vuelve a las definiciones comparativas que examinamos para estas tres palabras.

Y cuando las cosas van bien juntas y lo hacen de manera muy efectiva, mejoran las posibilidades de obtener el resultado que finalmente esperan.

Las opiniones expresadas aquí por los columnistas de Inc.com son las suyas propias, no las de Inc.com.

The three words are: arguing, persuading and convincing. Here's how they differ, and why that matters.

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A little bit of background

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We'll start by briefly discussing each word's roots and definition. But remember, our goal is to use the distinctions as a tool, not to get caught up in a debate over etymology.

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Basically, you want to be mindful of the differences so as to frame your advocacy-based communications in a way that leads toward your true, desired outcome--instead of getting sidetracked.

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So, the definitions and roots. We start with argue. The  Merriam-Webster definition includes: "to contend or disagree," and "to prove or try to prove by giving reasons." It goes back to the Latin word, argutare: "to prate," or even "prattle," which in turn means, "to talk long and idly."

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Next up: persuade: "to move by argument, entreaty, or expostulation to a belief, position, or course of action." This word comes from Latin as well: persuadereper, meaning "to completion," and suadere, meaning "advise." 

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Thus, "advise to completion."

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Finally, convince. Its articulated definition is subtly different from "persuade," so we look at the Latin root: convincere, which mixes con ("with") and vincere ("conquer"). So, "conquer with." 

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Think of related words like "convert," or "conviction." In other words, not conquering the person you're talking with, but instead enlisting them as allies to help you conquer something else. 

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Again, I don't want to get too hung up on word origins. Your 9th grade English or Latin teacher might quibble a bit. But, the point of having done this exercise will quickly become clear as we shift to real-world perspectives.

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Arguing

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Let's talk about the first word: arguing. Lawyers often do. In fact, making a case in front of a judge or a jury is literally called, "oral argument." 

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For some lawyers, this means making the most forceful case possible, almost regardless of the reception.

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Maybe you've heard the old legal aphorism: "When you have the facts, pound on the facts. When you have the law, pound on the law. If you don't have either, pound on the table."

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Why "pound on the table?" Frankly, it's because the lawyer gets paid by the client, and for some clients, their most deeply felt need is to hear someone advocate forcefully for them -- almost more than they sometimes hope for a specific result.

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Persuading

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Let's take it a step further. If you want to compliment a lawyer, you might say he or she makes a "persuasive" argument.

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Persuasion is probably the more common, rational, goal in business and life.

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You want a juror to vote for you, or you want a customer to buy from you. Maybe you want a salesperson to sweeten a deal, or you want to entice someone to go on a date with you.

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You don't just want the satisfaction of making your case. You want to move someone to do something.

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So, how do you go from arguing to persuading? For one thing it's certainly a more interactive experience. You make your point, you pause, you listen; you might change what you're going to say next, based on the other person's reaction. 

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You hope to stand with them, as we've seen the word suggests: advising them all the way through to completion.

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And that sounds pretty good. But in our hierarchy of influence, there's one level higher than arguing and persuading.

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Convincing

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That higher level that emotionally intelligent people understand is: "convincing."

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If arguing involves making your case, and persuading involves guiding to action, convincing is about getting someone to embrace that choice so strongly that they'll make it even when you're no longer at their side.

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Nobody talks about having the courage of your persuasions, right?

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It's the courage of your convictions: your deeply held beliefs.

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Let's bring it back to trial lawyers, since they do so much arguing, persuading and convincing. One trick I learned in my time as a lawyer is to try to lead your audience right up to the line where they have to reach a conclusion -- but then have the discipline to stop.

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Don't tell them explicitly what to decide, the theory goes; put them in a position where they have to take the final step.

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The idea is that since you won't be in the room when the judge or jury makes the decision, you want them to feel an emotional conviction to the position they've reached. 

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In other words, you're not just trying to win an argument. You're trying to create an advocate.

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Emotional intelligence

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Let's take this to the final step, which involves asking yourself seriously what your true goal is as an advocate. 

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Maybe you don't really care whether someone agrees with your argument; you'd be fine with them forming the same convictions as you, or taking the action you want them to take, but for entirely different reasons. 

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I'm reminded of a study a few years back that showed  teen girls whose mothers nagged them were more likely to graduate from school and get good jobs, and less likely to become pregnant as teenagers. 

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As a colleague wrote at the time: "Sure, having a healthy sense of self-esteem and believing that you have options is great, but not getting pregnant just because you 'don't want to hear it' is fine with us, too."

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So let's circle this back to your advocacy, and what it all has to do with emotional intelligence. Largely, it's about being very tuned in to your audience, and working to understand how your arguments land on their ears.

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I mean, it might be emotionally satisfying simply to argue your case as forcefully as you can. And if that's truly your goal, fine. No judgment.

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But emotionally intelligent people have the discipline required to listen as they speak.

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They use tactical silence as they make their case.

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They consider what it all looks and sounds like from the other person's point of view.

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They come back to the comparative definitions we've explored for these three words.

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And if things line up well, and they do it very effectively, they improve the odds of getting the outcome they ultimately hope for.

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