Las personas que confunden estas 5 palabras críticas en 2021 tienen una inteligencia emocional muy baja

d

Este es un artículo sobre inteligencia emocional y lenguaje. Podría ser el más reciente que he escrito sobre el tema.

Este tipo de análisis práctico se puede encontrar en mi libro electrónico gratuito de 115 páginas: Mejorando la inteligencia emocional 2021–Una estrategia de empoderamiento que te ayudará a lidiar con personas difíciles.

Porque enfrentamos la verdad. Todos hemos estado viendo más de ellos últimamente: personas cuyos nervios se han disparado, cuya paciencia se está agotando, cuyos miedos se disparan por las nubes y cuyo comportamiento a veces se tensa como resultado.

¿Conoces a alguien así? La buena noticia es que si puede aprender a distinguir rápidamente entre cinco emociones relacionadas que pueden experimentar personas difíciles como esta, puede desarrollar estrategias para responder y maximizar su felicidad y éxito.

Miedo, enfado, frustración, resentimiento, enfado

Vayamos a las cinco emociones junto con sus definiciones Merriam-Webster.

Primero, ansiedad: «una emoción desagradable, a menudo fuerte, que es causada por la anticipación o la conciencia del peligro».

Próximo, ira: «un fuerte sentido de desaprobación y generalmente antagonismo».

Tercero, frustración: «un sentimiento crónico profundo o estado de inseguridad e insatisfacción debido a problemas no resueltos o necesidades insatisfechas».

Cuarto es Resentimiento: «un sentimiento de disgusto indignado o mala voluntad persistente por algo que se considera incorrecto, ofensivo o herido».

Después de todo, Ira: «ira violenta y descontrolada».

Probablemente pueda encontrar algunos otros para agregar a la discusión: ¿celos, alguien? ¿La justicia propia tal vez? – pero estos cinco deberían ser suficientes para navegar.

Y espero que con solo mirar las definiciones veamos similitudes y diferencias.

Además, digamos que no todas son emociones inherentemente malas. Algunos de ellos son normales y saludables en ocasiones, incluso cuando se sienten incómodos.

Todos tenemos miedo, por ejemplo. Eso puede ser positivo, aunque no siempre sea agradable. El miedo aleja a la gente del peligro; El miedo puede motivarte a trabajar duro y lograr algo.

La ira y la frustración son naturales y saludables en determinadas circunstancias. Hay cosas en el mundo que nos suceden y que causan estos sentimientos normales.

Francamente, con nuestros factores externos comunes en 2021 – la pandemia, la inestabilidad económica, incluso la insurgencia y la agitación política – son de esperar.

Sin embargo, si nos movemos hacia el resentimiento e incluso la ira, estos son mucho menos saludables y pueden indicar que las personas ya han comenzado a perder el control de sus emociones.

Triaje emocional

Admito que lo pensé e investigué un poco después de pasar tanto tiempo viendo videos de la mafia que atacó el Capitolio de los Estados Unidos la semana pasada y luego en mi correo electrónico diario al día siguiente. -Escribe un boletín al respecto.

El miedo, la ira, la frustración, el resentimiento y la ira eran abundantes.

Pero para nuestros propósitos usaremos ejemplos más normales de los negocios y la vida.

También me gustaría señalar que incluso si decimos que las personas que no se toman el tiempo para hacer este análisis son técnicamente más bajas en inteligencia emocional, no es un juicio de valor moral.

Es más una técnica de autoayuda que puede o no usar. su decisión.

Por lo tanto, piense en un cliente descontento o en un empleado anteriormente destacado cuya actitud aparentemente se ha deteriorado. Tal vez hubo palabras duras o disgusto. Quizás sea más sutil; menos entusiasmo y compromiso del que esperaría ver.

Su primera tarea es decidir si desea salvar la relación. Considero que esto es una clasificación emocional:

¿Quiere conservar al cliente si es posible? ¿Espera que el empleado vuelva a encarrilarse? ¿O crees que incluso vale la pena el esfuerzo?

Cuando todas las demás cosas son iguales y las emociones están al final del espectro, incluso si elige serlo, es menos probable que sus esfuerzos tengan éxito. Tampoco eres terapeuta. Su trabajo no es necesariamente ayudar a las personas a resolver sus problemas.

A menudo, encontrará que la respuesta es simplemente terminar la discusión, tal vez incluso la relación.

Y para ser muy claro, rara vez tiene sentido salir con alguien que está tan enojado o enojado que se vuelve hostil o incluso peligroso. Hay señales de alerta (abuso, racismo, culpar a las víctimas, por nombrar algunas) que significan que todo este análisis debería llevar unos tres segundos.

Sin embargo, si en cambio puede identificar algunas de estas emociones menos malsanas y más naturales en otras personas, especialmente la ira, el miedo, la frustración, es posible que pueda responder de manera positiva y estratégica a las personas difíciles.

Reflejos, preguntas y garantías

Entonces, ¿cuál es el enfoque? Tiene que ver con repetir sus explicaciones, hacer preguntas, a veces dar seguridades y tomar nota de las respuestas.

Tomemos el ejemplo del cliente angustiado, por ejemplo. Si espera salvar la relación, simplemente puede responder con algo como: «Entiendo que no está satisfecho con el tratamiento como cliente y me gustaría ver si podemos encontrar una manera de que esto suceda». bien.»

¿La oferta de paz baja un poco la temperatura? ¿Sientes que podrías tener un poco más de control sobre tus emociones?

También puede hacer una pequeña investigación para ver si el miedo o la frustración alimentan las acciones de un empleado.

Imagínese enfrentar la situación, pero antes que nada decir algo como: «Antes de involucrarnos, solo quiero decir que realmente los valoramos como empleados en general y que deben tener éxito».

¿Siente que al menos ha abordado las causas fundamentales del miedo, la ira o la frustración del empleado? Eso podría ser una buena señal.

Esto no significa necesariamente que deban actuar con sensatez o que debas dejarlos salir del apuro. Simplemente recopilan información rápidamente para comprender mejor de dónde provienen. Esto le permite tomar las decisiones que mejor se adapten a sus necesidades.

La decisión es tuya

Mira, estos son ejemplos intencionalmente genéricos. Es probable que se le ocurran otros más relevantes en su propio negocio y en su vida más rápido. Aun así, creo que todo este ejercicio es empoderador por varias razones.

Primero, los insultos y las hostilidades se eliminan mediante la creación de un amortiguador mayor. En otras palabras, su primera reacción al comportamiento negativo no tiene que ser herida, pelear o huir, o responder de la misma manera.

En cambio, desde una posición de fuerza indiferente, puede evaluar: «Vaya, esta persona es realmente vehemente. Me pregunto si está teniendo una emoción incómoda pero saludable o si simplemente está completamente fuera de control».

A continuación, creo que muchos de nosotros experimentamos miedo y frustración por todas las razones externas comunes descritas anteriormente. Cada pequeña parte que podemos aceptar. Probablemente sea bueno ayudar a bajar la temperatura general, incluso si eso no tiene nada que ver con ninguno de los grandes problemas globales en este momento.

Cuando reaccionas de esta manera, en lugar de simplemente reaccionar a la sustancia del comportamiento de una persona difícil, tienes más control.

Al final, eso es lo que quieres: quieres ser el que haga un buen juicio sobre si vale la pena continuar la conversación o si vale la pena salvar y mejorar la relación.

O si está igual de feliz de terminar la discusión, romper los lazos y dejarlos soportar su ciclo de resentimiento / ira descontrolada en otra parte.

(Recordatorio: el libro electrónico gratuito se puede encontrar aquí).

Las opiniones expresadas por los columnistas de Inc.com aquí son las suyas propias, no las de Inc.com.

Because let's face the truth. We're all encountering more of them lately: people whose nerves are shot, whose patience is at an end, whose anxieties are through the roof, and whose behavior, as a result, is sometimes fraught.

n

Know anyone like that? The good news is that if you can learn to differentiate quickly among five related emotions that difficult people like this might be experiencing, you can create strategies to respond, and maximize your happiness and success.

n

Fear, anger, frustration, resentment, rage

n

Let's go to the five emotions, along with their summarized Merriam-Webster definitions.

n

First, fear: "an unpleasant, often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger."

n

Next, anger: "a strong feeling of displeasure and usually of antagonism."

n

Third, frustration: "a deep chronic sense or state of insecurity and dissatisfaction arising from unresolved problems or unfulfilled needs."

n

Fourth is resentment: "a feeling of indignant displeasure or persistent ill will at something regarded as a wrong, insult, or injury."

n

Finally, rage: "violent and uncontrolled anger."

n

You could probably find a few others to add to the discussion -- jealousy, anyone? self-righteousness, perhaps? -- but these five should be enough to navigate.

n

And I hope that already, just by looking at the definitions, we're seeing the similarities and differences.

n

Let's stipulate also these are not all inherently bad emotions. Some of them are normal and healthy at times, even if they're unpleasant.

n

We all feel fear, for example. That can be a positive thing, even if it's not always pleasant. Fear keeps people from danger; fear can motivate them to work hard and achieve. 

n

Anger and frustration, too, are natural and healthy in some circumstances; there are things in the world and that happen to us that prompt these normal feelings.

n

Frankly, with our common external factors in 2021 - the pandemic, economic instability, even insurrection and political unrest - they're to be expected.

n

However, when we start moving toward resentment and even rage, these are much less healthy -- and they can indicate that people have already begun to lose control of their emotions.

n

Emotional triage

n

I admit that I started thinking about this and doing the research after spending so much time watching video of the mob that assaulted the U.S. Capitol last week, and then writing about it the day after, in my daily email newsletter. 

n

Fear, anger, frustration, resentment and rage were all on display in ample supply.

n

But for our purposes, let's use more normal examples from business and life. 

n

I should point out also that even if we say that people who don't take the time to go through this analysis are technically exhibiting lower emotional intelligence, that's not a judgment of moral value.

n

It's more of a self-help technique that you can use or not; your choice. 

n

So, think of an angry customer, or a previously stellar employee whose attitude seems to have deteriorated. Perhaps there have been sharp words, or sullenness. Maybe it's more subtle; less enthusiasm and engagement than you'd hope to see.

n

Your first order of business is to decide if you even want the relationship to be salvageable. I think of this as emotional triage: 

n

Would you like to retain the customer, if possible? Do you hope to get the employee back on track? Or, do you think it's even worth the effort? 

n

All other things being equal, if the emotions are on the resentment/rage end of the spectrum, it's less likely your efforts would be successful even if you wanted them to. Also, you're not a therapist. Your job isn't necessarily to help people work through their issues.

n

Often enough, you might well find that the answer is simply to end the discussion--maybe even the relationship.

n

And, to be very clear, there's rarely any point wasting effort on someone who is so filled with rage or resentment that they become hostile or even dangerous. There are red flags - abuse, racism, victim-blaming, to name a few -- that mean this whole analysis should take about three seconds.

n

But if you can instead identify some of these less unhealthy, more natural emotions in other people -- anger, fear, frustration, specifically -- you might find you're able to react to difficult people in a positive, strategic way.

n

Mirroring, questions, and reassurances

n

So, what's the approach? It has to do with mirroring their explanations back to them, asking questions, sometimes offering reassurances, and taking note of the responses.

n

For example, let's take the example of the distressed customer. If you hope to salvage the relationship, you might respond simply with something like, "I understand that you're dissatisfied with how we've treated you as a customer, and I'd like to see if we can find a way to make it right."

n

Does the peace offering lower the temperature a bit? Do you get a sense that they might have their emotions a bit more under control?

n

You might also probe a bit to determine whether fear or frustration is underpinning an employee's actions.

n

Imagine confronting the situation, but starting out by saying something like, "Before we get into anything, I just want to say that overall we really value you as an employee, and we want you to be successful."

n

Do you get a sense that you might have at least touched on the root causes of the employee's fear, anger, or frustration? That might be a good sign. 

n

This doesn't necessarily mean that they're acting reasonably, or that you have to let them off the hook. You're simply gathering information quickly to understand more about where they're coming from--so you can make the decisions that work best for you.

n

You own the choices

n

Look, these are intentionally generic examples. You'll probably think up more relevant ones in your own business and life more quickly. Still, I think this whole exercise is empowering for several reasons.

n

First, it takes the sting out of insults and animosity, by creating an elevating buffer. In other words, your first reaction to negative behavior doesn't have to be hurt, or fight or flight, or reacting in kind. 

n

Instead, you can evaluate from a detached position of strength: "Wow, this person is really vehement. I wonder if he or she is manifesting an unpleasant but healthy emotion, or if they're just completely unhinged."

n

Next, with so many of us feeling fear and frustration right now, for all the shared external reasons described above, I think any small part we can take in. helping to lower the aggregate temperature is probably a good thing--even if it's unrelated to the big, global issues right now.

n

Finally, reacting like this, rather than reacting solely to the substance of a difficult person's behavior, means you're more in control.

n

At the end, this is what you want: you want to be the one who makes the cool judgment whether the conversation is worth continuing, or the relationship is worth salvaging and improving.

n

Or else, whether you're just as happy to end the discussion, cut ties, and let them endure their out-of-control resentment/rage cycle somewhere else.

n

(Reminder: You can find the free ebook here.)

","inc_code_only_text":null,"inc_pubdate":"2021-01-16 00:00:00","inc_promo_date":"2021-01-16 00:00:00","inc_custom_pubdate":null,"inc_feature_image_override":"","inc_feature_image_background_color_override":null,"inc_show_feature_imageflag":true,"inc_feature_image_style":"pano","inc_image_caption_override":null,"inc_autid":0,"inc_typid":1,"inc_staid":7,"inc_serid":0,"inc_prtid":0,"inc_activeflag":true,"inc_copyeditedflag":false,"inc_flag_for_reviewflag":false,"inc_lock_articleflag":false,"inc_react_displayflag":true,"inc_filelocation":"bill-murphy-jr/people-who-confuse-these-5-critical-words-in-2021-have-very-low-emotional-intelligence.html","inc_override_url":null,"inc_hide_article_sidebarflag":false,"inc_custom_sidebar":null,"inc_show_read_moreflag":true,"inc_display_video_at_bottomflag":false,"inc_autoplay_videoflag":true,"inc_full_width_read_moreflag":false,"inc_custom_footer":null,"inc_custom_teaser":null,"inc_hide_video_prerollflag":false,"inc_custom_css":null,"inc_custom_javascript":null,"inc_canonical_url":null,"inc_meta_keywords":"emotional intelligence, eq, ei, emotional intelligence 2021, empathy, angry customer, angry employee, ","inc_column_name_override":null,"inc_newsworthyflag":true,"inc_notepad":null,"inc_track_changesflag":false,"inc_cta_text":null,"inc_cta_url":null,"time_updated":"2021-01-16 00:00:04","channels":[{"id":4,"cnl_name":"Lead","cnl_filelocation":"lead","cnl_featuretype":"None","cnl_custom_color":"009CD8","cnl_calculated_color":"F7CE00","cnl_contributor_accessflag":true,"cnl_custom_article_footer":"Inc. helps entrepreneurs change the world. Get the advice you need to start, grow, and lead your business today. Subscribe here for unlimited access.","cnl_global_nav_background_color":null,"cnl_global_nav_background_gradient_start":null,"cnl_global_nav_background_gradient_end":null,"cnl_iflid":0,"sortorder":null},{"id":374,"cnl_name":"Wire","cnl_filelocation":"wire","cnl_featuretype":null,"cnl_custom_color":null,"cnl_calculated_color":null,"cnl_contributor_accessflag":false,"cnl_custom_article_footer":null,"cnl_global_nav_background_color":null,"cnl_global_nav_background_gradient_start":null,"cnl_global_nav_background_gradient_end":null,"cnl_iflid":0,"sortorder":1}],"categories":[],"primarychannelarray":null,"authors":[{"id":3275,"aut_name":"Bill Murphy Jr.","aut_usrid":428030,"aut_base_filelocation":"bill-murphy-jr","aut_imgid":51492,"aut_twitter_id":"BillMurphyJr","aut_title":"www.billmurphyjr.com","aut_blurb":"Bill Murphy Jr. is the founder of Understandably.com and a contributing editor at Inc.com. Contact and bio at www.billmurphyjr.com.","aut_footer_blurb":"Bill Murphy Jr. is a contributing editor at Inc.com. Contact and bio at www.billmurphyjr.com.","aut_column_name":"Action Required","aut_atyid":2,"aut_newsletter_location":"http://www.billmurphyjr.com/","authorimage":"https://www.incimages.com/uploaded_files/image/100x100/Bill-Murphy_51492.png","sortorder":null,"aut_custom_scripts":"","typeName":"Columnist"}],"images":[{"id":457814,"sortorder":null}],"inlineimages":[],"photoEssaySlides":null,"readMoreArticles":null,"slideshows":[],"videos":[],"bzwidgets":null,"relatedarticles":null,"comparisongrids":[],"products":[],"keys":["Lead","Wire","Bill Murphy Jr.","Columnist"],"meta_description":"Step back, understand the difference, and take a bit more control in business and in life.","brandview":null,"internationalversion":[],"imagemodels":[{"id":457814,"img_foreignkey":null,"img_gettyflag":false,"img_reusableflag":true,"img_rightsflag":false,"img_usrid":4685077,"img_pan_crop":null,"img_tags":null,"img_reference_name":null,"img_caption":null,"img_custom_credit":"Credit: Getty Images","img_bucketref":null,"img_panoramicref":"GettyImages-165516446.jpg","img_super_panoramicref":null,"img_tile_override_imageref":null,"img_skyscraperref":null,"img_gallery_imageref":null,"credit":"Credit: Getty Images","sizes":{"panoramic":{"original":"uploaded_files/image/GettyImages-165516446.jpg","1920x1080":"uploaded_files/image/1920x1080/GettyImages-165516446_457814.jpg","1024x576":"uploaded_files/image/1024x576/GettyImages-165516446_457814.jpg","1230x1672":"uploaded_files/image/1230x1672/GettyImages-165516446_457814.jpg","1940x900":"uploaded_files/image/1940x900/GettyImages-165516446_457814.jpg","1270x734":"uploaded_files/image/1270x734/GettyImages-165516446_457814.jpg","0x734":"uploaded_files/image/0x734/GettyImages-165516446_457814.jpg","1150x540":"uploaded_files/image/1150x540/GettyImages-165516446_457814.jpg","970x450":"uploaded_files/image/970x450/GettyImages-165516446_457814.jpg","600x600":"uploaded_files/image/600x600/GettyImages-165516446_457814.jpg","640x290":"uploaded_files/image/640x290/GettyImages-165516446_457814.jpg","635x367":"uploaded_files/image/635x367/GettyImages-165516446_457814.jpg","0x367":"uploaded_files/image/0x367/GettyImages-165516446_457814.jpg","575x270":"uploaded_files/image/575x270/GettyImages-165516446_457814.jpg","385x240":"uploaded_files/image/385x240/GettyImages-165516446_457814.jpg","336x336":"uploaded_files/image/336x336/GettyImages-165516446_457814.jpg","300x520":"uploaded_files/image/300x520/GettyImages-165516446_457814.jpg","300x200":"uploaded_files/image/300x200/GettyImages-165516446_457814.jpg","284x160":"uploaded_files/image/284x160/GettyImages-165516446_457814.jpg","155x90":"uploaded_files/image/155x90/GettyImages-165516446_457814.jpg","100x100":"uploaded_files/image/100x100/GettyImages-165516446_457814.jpg","50x50":"uploaded_files/image/50x50/GettyImages-165516446_457814.jpg"}}}],"formatted_text":"","adinfo":{"c_type":"article","showlogo":true,"cms":"inc268834","video":"no","aut":["bill-murphy-jr"],"channelArray":{"topid":"4","topfilelocation":"lead","primary":["lead","lead"],"primaryFilelocation":["lead","lead"],"primaryname":["Lead","Lead"],"sub":["wire"],"subFilelocation":["wire"],"subname":["Wire"]},"adzone":"/4160/mv.inc/lead/lead/lead"},"seriesname":null,"editorname":null,"commentcount":null,"inc5000companies":[],"inc5000list":{"id":null,"ifl_list":null,"ifl_year":null,"ifl_custom_data_description":null,"ifl_filelocation":null,"ifl_sharetext":null,"ifl_data_endpoint":null,"ifl_columns":null,"ifl_column_custom_names":null,"ifl_filters_per_row":null,"ifl_rows_per_page":null,"ifl_filter_columns":null,"ifl_filter_sorts":null,"ifl_permanently_hidden_columns":null,"ifl_extra_large_hidden_columns":null,"ifl_large_hidden_columns":null,"ifl_medium_hidden_columns":null,"ifl_small_hidden_columns":null,"ifl_extra_small_hidden_columns":null,"ifl_currency":null,"ifl_enable_accent_rule_topflag":false,"ifl_enable_accent_rule_bottomflag":false,"ifl_table_accent_rule_color":null,"ifl_table_header_background_color":null,"ifl_table_rank_color":null,"ifl_table_header_text_color":null,"ifl_table_row_stripe_color":null,"ifl_enable_filterflag":false,"ifl_filter_background_color":null,"ifl_filter_dropdown_border_color":null,"ifl_filter_dropdown_text_color":null,"ifl_enable_pagination_topflag":false,"ifl_enable_pagination_bottomflag":false,"ifl_pagination_bar_color":null,"ifl_filter_reset_button_color":null,"ifl_filter_reset_button_border_color":null,"ifl_methodology":null,"ifl_pubdate":null,"ifl_default_sort":null,"companylist":null,"companylist_year":null},"companies":[],"buyerzonewidgets":[],"photoEssaySlideModels":null,"custom_article_footer":"Inc. helps entrepreneurs change the world. Get the advice you need to start, grow, and lead your business today. Subscribe here for unlimited access.","ser_footer_blurb":null,"dayssincepubdate":null,"trackingpixel":"<!-- Author Facebook Pixel Code --><script>!function(f,b,e,v,n,t,s){if(f.fbq)return;n=f.fbq=function(){n.callMethod?n.callMethod.apply(n,arguments):n.queue.push(arguments)};if(!f._fbq)f._fbq=n;n.push=n;n.loaded=!0;n.version='2.0';n.queue=[];t=b.createElement(e);t.async=!0;t.src=v;s=b.getElementsByTagName(e)[0];s.parentNode.insertBefore(t,s)}(window,document,'script','https://connect.facebook.net/en_US/fbevents.js');fbq('init', '465833680293850');fbq('track', "PageView");</script><!-- End Facebook Pixel Code --><script> (function(i,s,o,g,r,a,m){i['GoogleAnalyticsObject']=r;i[r]=i[r]||function(){ (i[r].q=i[r].q||[]).push(arguments)},i[r].l=1*new Date();a=s.createElement(o), m=s.getElementsByTagName(o)[0];a.async=1;a.src=g;m.parentNode.insertBefore(a,m) })(window,document,'script','https://www.google-analytics.com/analytics.js','ga'); ga('create', 'UA-18200193-1', 'auto'); ga('send', 'pageview');</script>","promotions":null,"channelCustomFooter":{"cnl_id":4,"cnl_footer":"Inc. helps entrepreneurs change the world. Get the advice you need to start, grow, and lead your business today. Subscribe here for unlimited access."},"inline_script_tags":[]},"recirc":{"id":"30","rcc_name":"Popular From Inc.","rcc_sponsorship":null,"rcc_cta":null,"rcc_display_globalflag":"TRUE","rcc_cnlid":null,"rcc_most_clickedflag":"TRUE","rcc_incid":null,"articles":[]}}],"isFetching":false,"isFetched":true,"error":null},"events":{"events":[],"isFetching":false,"isFetched":false,"error":null},"magazine":{"magazine":{},"isFetching":false,"isFetched":false,"error":null},"editPackage":{"editPackage":{},"isFetching":false,"isFetched":false,"error":null},"quoteCollection":{"quoteCollection":{},"isFetching":false,"isFetched":false,"error":null},"applyPage":{"applypage":{},"isFetching":false,"isFetched":false,"error":null},"podcast":{"podcast":[],"isFetching":false,"isFetched":false,"error":null}};

¡Haz clic para puntuar esta entrada!
(Votos: 0 Promedio: 0)

Deja un comentario