¿Le gustaría hacerle un cumplido a alguien que le cambiará la vida? Empiece con estas 6 palabras. Eres pura inteligencia emocional

d

¿Qué pasaría si pudiera mostrarle cómo mejorar la forma en que hace cumplidos y crear momentos verdaderamente memorables para los objetos de su elogio simplemente reformulando sus palabras de manera un poco diferente?

Descubrí esta técnica por casualidad hace años y pasé mucho tiempo pensando e investigando cómo funciona. Sus raíces se encuentran en una simple verdad de la psicología y la inteligencia emocional que todos entendemos.

El encuadre funciona rápidamente y se trata de preparar a su audiencia para dos cosas: primero, prestar atención a lo que está tratando de decir y luego esperar que su mensaje sea una reflexión verdadera y positiva sobre ellos.

La forma más fácil de recordar esto es aprender a elogiar comenzando con un preámbulo breve y simple que cambie el enfoque.

Por ejemplo, puede utilizar una variación de estas seis palabras: «Puede que no lo sepas, pero …»

Esta breve frase está llena de significado. Comienza con «tú» y es tan impresionante que la otra persona en la conversación también lo es objeto de la conversación.

También significa que está a punto de compartir nuevos conocimientos que la otra persona aún no conoce. Y la inclusión de una diferencia que indica conjunción («pero») sugiere que la información contradice una suposición anterior.

En general, descubre que lo que sigue no se trata solo de algo que quieras compartir. En cambio, se trata de la percepción de la realidad de la otra persona.

Está centrado de manera diferente, más bien que egocéntrico.

Ahora solo estamos hablando del preámbulo. Y sé que presionamos mucho en eso. Lo que sigue, sin embargo, es igualmente crucial. Tiene que ser positivo y verdadero.

Así que considere estas iteraciones de ejemplo:

  • «Puede que no lo sepas, pero la gente realmente aprecia lo tranquilo que puedes estar en una crisis».
  • «No estoy seguro de que haya visto su impacto, pero sus comentarios en la reunión de la semana pasada tranquilizaron a todo el equipo».
  • «Espero que no pensaste que estabas solo. Cuando hiciste esta pregunta en clase, hablaste por todos».
  • «Nunca creerás esto, pero seguí tu consejo y funcionó».
  • «¿Le sorprendería ver cuánto habla la gente más nueva del equipo de usted como modelo a seguir?»

Intencionalmente estoy ampliando estos ejemplos y, por supuesto, mezclando los preámbulos.

Pero creo que puedes ver cómo funciona, y cómo formular un cumplido o un comentario positivo como este lo hace mucho más poderoso que simplemente ofrecer elogios como una declaración declarativa.

También muestra que el complemento de contenido debe ser auténtico y veraz para que esto funcione.

Por ejemplo, si alguien me dijera: «Bill, puede que no lo sepas, pero la gente piensa que eres un gran bailarín». Sería escéptico.

Quiero decir, sé que no soy muy buena bailarina. De hecho, es un poco extraño.

Bueno, como mencioné anteriormente, la ironía para mí es que me topé con esta técnica por pura casualidad.

Cuando ejercía la abogacía, un abogado experimentado impartía una clase para los abogados más nuevos. Ella la conocía muy bien, y los consejos que dio, incluidos algunos matices bastante técnicos de la legislación fiscal y el procedimiento civil, nos ahorraron a mí y a mis colegas más ecológicos mucho tiempo y frustración.

Recuerdo haberme preguntado por qué este talentoso orador no fue ascendido a un rol de liderazgo real. También pensé: Espera, ¿ella realmente sabe lo útil que fue eso? ¿Alguien da su opinión?

Apenas nos habíamos hablado antes, pero cuando la conocí más tarde le dije algo como: «No sé si alguien te dijo esto alguna vez, pero tu presentación fue genial. Nos enseñaste a mí y a los otros abogados nuevos algunas cosas sobre eso. hizo nuestras vidas mucho más fáciles «.

Esta conversación generó una especie de amistad y tutoría de trabajo. Y tal vez uno o dos años después la recuerdo diciéndome algo mutuo como:

«Puede que no hayas entendido el poder de tus palabras, pero cuando felicitaste mi presentación ese día, realmente necesitaba escucharte».

Bueno, no estoy diciendo con certeza que esta sea la única forma de recibir un cumplido, o que otras formas estén mal, o que siempre tenga el tipo de efecto memorable que te hace reflexionar años después.

Pero sé que el preámbulo jugó con su peso en ambos casos, y desde entonces he estado preparado para verla en acción nuevamente.

Es un recordatorio de que, ya sea una incertidumbre programada o aprendida, la mayoría de nosotros tendemos a buscar información sobre cómo nos perciben los demás. Por lo tanto, tales cumplidos en el marco pueden aumentar su impacto y al mismo tiempo recordarle que se concentre en otras áreas de sus interacciones si esto es beneficioso.

En otras palabras: Puede que no lo supieras, pero tus opiniones son valiosas para otras personas.

Y si los redacta correctamente, pueden quedarse con ellos de una manera positiva durante mucho tiempo.

Las opiniones expresadas por los columnistas de Inc.com aquí son las suyas, no las de Inc.com.

n

I discovered this technique by accident years ago, and I've spent quite a bit of time considering and researching how it works. Its roots are grounded in a simple truth of psychology and emotional intelligence that I think we all understand.  

n

The framing works quickly, and it comes down to preparing your audience to do two things: first, to pay attention to what you're about to say, and next, to expect that your message will be a true and positive reflection on them.

n

The easiest way to remember to do this is to learn to give praise by starting with a short, simple, focus-shifting preamble. 

n

For example, you might use a variation of these six words: "You might not know this, but..."

n

That short phrase is packed with meaning. It starts with "you," so it impresses that the other person in the conversation is also the subject of the conversation. 

n

It also implies that you're about to share new knowledge that the other person isn't aware of yet. And, the inclusion of a difference-indicating conjunction ("but") suggests that the information will contradict a previous assumption.

n

Overall, it establishes that whatever comes next isn't just about something you want to share. Instead, it's about the other person's perception of reality. 

n

It's other-centered, rather than self-centered

n

Now, we're only talking about the preamble, so far. And I know we've squeezed a lot into it. However, whatever follows is equally crucial. It has to be both positive and truthful.

n

So consider these sample iterations:

n

    t

  • "You might not know this, but people really appreciate how calm you can be in a crisis."
  • t

  • "I'm not sure if you appreciated your impact, but your comments in the meeting last week reassured the whole team."
  • t

  • "I hope you didn't think you were alone; when you asked that question in class, you spoke for everyone."
  • t

  • "You're never going to believe this, but I took your advice and it worked out."
  • t

  • "Would it surprise you to know how much the newer people on the team talk about you as a role model?"

n

I'm making these examples intentionally broad, and mixing up the preambles, of course.

n

But, I think you can see how it works -- and how phrasing a compliment or positive feedback like this makes it a lot more powerful than simply offering praise as a declarative statement.

n

It also illustrates that the substantive compliment has to be authentic and truthful for this to work.

n

For example, if somebody were to say to me: "Bill, you may not know this, but people think you're a really great dancer," I would be skeptical. 

n

I mean, I know that I'm simply not a very good dancer. It's kind of comical, actually.

n

Now, as I mentioned above, the irony for me is that I stumbled across this technique purely by accident.

n

Back when I was practicing law, a more experienced attorney taught a class for the newer lawyers. She really knew her stuff, and the advice she gave -- including some fairly technical intricacies of tax law and civil procedure -- saved my greener colleagues and me a lot of time and frustration. 

n

Afterward, I remember wondering why this gifted speaker hadn't been promoted into a true leadership role. I also thought: Wait, does she actually know how helpful this was? Does anyone give her feedback?

n

We had hardly spoken before, but when I bumped into her later, I said something like: "I don't know if anyone ever tells you this, but your presentation was great. It taught me and the other new lawyers quite a few things that made life a lot easier for us."

n

That conversation sparked a bit of a work friendship and mentorship. And maybe a year or two later, I remember she said something reciprocal to me, like: 

n

"You might not have understood the power of your words, but when you complimented my presentation that day, I really needed to hear it."

n

Now, I'm certainly not saying that this is the only way to phrase a compliment, or that other ways are wrong, or that it always has the kind of memorable impact that will leave you thinking about it years later.

n

But I know that the preamble played above its weight in both cases, and I've been tuned in ever since to observe it in action again.

n

It's a reminder that whether it's hard-wired, or learned insecurity, most of us are predisposed to seek out information about how others perceive us. So, framing compliments like this can increase their effect, while also reminding you to be other-centered in your interactions where it's beneficial to do so.

n

In other words: You might not have known this, but your opinions are valuable to other people.

n

And when you phrase them correctly, they can stick with them in a positive way, for a very long time.

","inc_code_only_text":null,"inc_pubdate":"2020-10-24 00:00:00","inc_promo_date":"2020-10-24 00:00:00","inc_custom_pubdate":null,"inc_feature_image_override":"","inc_feature_image_background_color_override":null,"inc_show_feature_imageflag":true,"inc_feature_image_style":"pano","inc_image_caption_override":null,"inc_autid":0,"inc_typid":1,"inc_staid":7,"inc_serid":0,"inc_prtid":0,"inc_activeflag":true,"inc_copyeditedflag":false,"inc_flag_for_reviewflag":false,"inc_lock_articleflag":false,"inc_react_displayflag":true,"inc_filelocation":"bill-murphy-jr/6-words-emotional-intelligence-life-changing-compliment.html","inc_override_url":null,"inc_hide_article_sidebarflag":false,"inc_custom_sidebar":null,"inc_show_read_moreflag":true,"inc_display_video_at_bottomflag":false,"inc_autoplay_videoflag":true,"inc_full_width_read_moreflag":false,"inc_custom_footer":null,"inc_custom_teaser":null,"inc_hide_video_prerollflag":false,"inc_custom_css":null,"inc_custom_javascript":null,"inc_canonical_url":null,"inc_meta_keywords":"emotional intelligence, psychology, compliments, phrasing words, praising correctly","inc_column_name_override":null,"inc_newsworthyflag":true,"inc_notepad":null,"inc_track_changesflag":false,"inc_cta_text":null,"inc_cta_url":null,"time_updated":"2020-10-24 00:00:03","channels":[{"id":4,"cnl_name":"Lead","cnl_filelocation":"lead","cnl_featuretype":"None","cnl_custom_color":"009CD8","cnl_calculated_color":"F7CE00","cnl_contributor_accessflag":true,"cnl_custom_article_footer":null,"cnl_global_nav_background_color":null,"cnl_global_nav_background_gradient_start":null,"cnl_global_nav_background_gradient_end":null,"cnl_iflid":0,"sortorder":null},{"id":374,"cnl_name":"Wire","cnl_filelocation":"wire","cnl_featuretype":null,"cnl_custom_color":null,"cnl_calculated_color":null,"cnl_contributor_accessflag":false,"cnl_custom_article_footer":null,"cnl_global_nav_background_color":null,"cnl_global_nav_background_gradient_start":null,"cnl_global_nav_background_gradient_end":null,"cnl_iflid":0,"sortorder":1}],"categories":[],"primarychannelarray":null,"authors":[{"id":3275,"aut_name":"Bill Murphy Jr.","aut_usrid":428030,"aut_base_filelocation":"bill-murphy-jr","aut_imgid":51492,"aut_twitter_id":"BillMurphyJr","aut_title":"www.billmurphyjr.com","aut_blurb":"Bill Murphy Jr. is the founder of Understandably.com and a contributing editor at Inc.com. Contact and bio at www.billmurphyjr.com.","aut_footer_blurb":"Bill Murphy Jr. is a contributing editor at Inc.com. Contact and bio at www.billmurphyjr.com.","aut_column_name":"Action Required","aut_atyid":2,"aut_newsletter_location":"http://www.billmurphyjr.com/","authorimage":"https://www.incimages.com/uploaded_files/image/100x100/Bill-Murphy_51492.png","sortorder":null,"typeName":"Columnist"}],"images":[{"id":447809,"sortorder":null}],"inlineimages":[],"photoEssaySlides":null,"readMoreArticles":null,"slideshows":[],"videos":[],"bzwidgets":null,"relatedarticles":null,"comparisongrids":[],"products":[],"keys":["Lead","Wire","Bill Murphy Jr.","Columnist"],"meta_description":"It's all about preparing the other person to expect your compliment, and framing it in the right way.","brandview":null,"internationalversion":[],"imagemodels":[{"id":447809,"img_foreignkey":null,"img_gettyflag":true,"img_reusableflag":false,"img_rightsflag":false,"img_usrid":0,"img_pan_crop":null,"img_tags":null,"img_reference_name":"GettyImages-1007232098","img_caption":null,"img_custom_credit":"Getty Images","img_bucketref":null,"img_panoramicref":"GettyImages-1007232098.jpg","img_super_panoramicref":null,"img_tile_override_imageref":null,"img_skyscraperref":null,"img_gallery_imageref":null,"credit":"Getty Images","sizes":{"panoramic":{"original":"uploaded_files/image/GettyImages-1007232098.jpg","1920x1080":"uploaded_files/image/1920x1080/GettyImages-1007232098_447809.jpg","1024x576":"uploaded_files/image/1024x576/GettyImages-1007232098_447809.jpg","1230x1672":"uploaded_files/image/1230x1672/GettyImages-1007232098_447809.jpg","1940x900":"uploaded_files/image/1940x900/GettyImages-1007232098_447809.jpg","1270x734":"uploaded_files/image/1270x734/GettyImages-1007232098_447809.jpg","0x734":"uploaded_files/image/0x734/GettyImages-1007232098_447809.jpg","1150x540":"uploaded_files/image/1150x540/GettyImages-1007232098_447809.jpg","970x450":"uploaded_files/image/970x450/GettyImages-1007232098_447809.jpg","600x600":"uploaded_files/image/600x600/GettyImages-1007232098_447809.jpg","640x290":"uploaded_files/image/640x290/GettyImages-1007232098_447809.jpg","635x367":"uploaded_files/image/635x367/GettyImages-1007232098_447809.jpg","0x367":"uploaded_files/image/0x367/GettyImages-1007232098_447809.jpg","575x270":"uploaded_files/image/575x270/GettyImages-1007232098_447809.jpg","385x240":"uploaded_files/image/385x240/GettyImages-1007232098_447809.jpg","336x336":"uploaded_files/image/336x336/GettyImages-1007232098_447809.jpg","300x520":"uploaded_files/image/300x520/GettyImages-1007232098_447809.jpg","300x200":"uploaded_files/image/300x200/GettyImages-1007232098_447809.jpg","284x160":"uploaded_files/image/284x160/GettyImages-1007232098_447809.jpg","155x90":"uploaded_files/image/155x90/GettyImages-1007232098_447809.jpg","100x100":"uploaded_files/image/100x100/GettyImages-1007232098_447809.jpg","50x50":"uploaded_files/image/50x50/GettyImages-1007232098_447809.jpg"}}}],"formatted_text":"","adinfo":{"c_type":"article","showlogo":true,"cms":"inc263153","video":"no","aut":["bill-murphy-jr"],"channelArray":{"topid":"4","topfilelocation":"lead","primary":["lead","lead"],"primaryFilelocation":["lead","lead"],"primaryname":["Lead","Lead"],"sub":["wire"],"subFilelocation":["wire"],"subname":["Wire"]},"adzone":"/4160/mv.inc/lead/lead/lead"},"seriesname":null,"editorname":null,"commentcount":null,"inc5000companies":[],"inc5000list":{"id":null,"ifl_list":null,"ifl_year":null,"ifl_custom_data_description":null,"ifl_filelocation":null,"ifl_sharetext":null,"ifl_data_endpoint":null,"ifl_columns":null,"ifl_column_custom_names":null,"ifl_filters_per_row":null,"ifl_rows_per_page":null,"ifl_filter_columns":null,"ifl_filter_sorts":null,"ifl_permanently_hidden_columns":null,"ifl_extra_large_hidden_columns":null,"ifl_large_hidden_columns":null,"ifl_medium_hidden_columns":null,"ifl_small_hidden_columns":null,"ifl_extra_small_hidden_columns":null,"ifl_currency":null,"ifl_enable_accent_rule_topflag":false,"ifl_enable_accent_rule_bottomflag":false,"ifl_table_accent_rule_color":null,"ifl_table_header_background_color":null,"ifl_table_rank_color":null,"ifl_table_header_text_color":null,"ifl_table_row_stripe_color":null,"ifl_enable_filterflag":false,"ifl_filter_background_color":null,"ifl_filter_dropdown_border_color":null,"ifl_filter_dropdown_text_color":null,"ifl_enable_pagination_topflag":false,"ifl_enable_pagination_bottomflag":false,"ifl_pagination_bar_color":null,"ifl_filter_reset_button_color":null,"ifl_filter_reset_button_border_color":null,"ifl_methodology":null,"ifl_pubdate":null,"ifl_default_sort":null,"companylist":null,"companylist_year":null},"companies":[],"buyerzonewidgets":[],"photoEssaySlideModels":null,"custom_article_footer":null,"ser_footer_blurb":null,"dayssincepubdate":null,"trackingpixel":"<!-- Author Facebook Pixel Code --><script>!function(f,b,e,v,n,t,s){if(f.fbq)return;n=f.fbq=function(){n.callMethod?n.callMethod.apply(n,arguments):n.queue.push(arguments)};if(!f._fbq)f._fbq=n;n.push=n;n.loaded=!0;n.version='2.0';n.queue=[];t=b.createElement(e);t.async=!0;t.src=v;s=b.getElementsByTagName(e)[0];s.parentNode.insertBefore(t,s)}(window,document,'script','https://connect.facebook.net/en_US/fbevents.js');fbq('init', '465833680293850');fbq('track', "PageView");</script><!-- End Facebook Pixel Code --><script> (function(i,s,o,g,r,a,m){i['GoogleAnalyticsObject']=r;i[r]=i[r]||function(){ (i[r].q=i[r].q||[]).push(arguments)},i[r].l=1*new Date();a=s.createElement(o), m=s.getElementsByTagName(o)[0];a.async=1;a.src=g;m.parentNode.insertBefore(a,m) })(window,document,'script','https://www.google-analytics.com/analytics.js','ga'); ga('create', 'UA-18200193-1', 'auto'); ga('send', 'pageview');</script>","promotions":null,"inline_script_tags":[]}}],"isFetching":false,"isFetched":true,"error":null},"events":{"events":[],"isFetching":false,"isFetched":false,"error":null},"magazine":{"magazine":{},"isFetching":false,"isFetched":false,"error":null},"editPackage":{"editPackage":{},"isFetching":false,"isFetched":false,"error":null},"quoteCollection":{"quoteCollection":{},"isFetching":false,"isFetched":false,"error":null}};

¡Haz clic para puntuar esta entrada!
(Votos: 0 Promedio: 0)

Deja un comentario